Poem can u tell me how it is?

Hi, I think this is a sweet poem, but if I could make a few suggestions? When translated, I think the added words detract from the flow. I think in the 3rd verse flower after rose is redundant. Verses 5, 6, and 7 are more or less beating the same horse to death. I think it would be better to leave out 5 completely. These are just my suggestions, you could just rearrange the words too, and maybe it would flow better. Good luck, it is still a good poem. Keep writing, thanks for sharing.